Hi Friends,
Have you ever felt lonely? Have you felt like you are not free to tell a certain someone that you are lonely? Have you been told that asking for what you need is needy?
Nowadays, there is too much emphasis on setting boundaries; these individuals are toxic if they don't reply right away. You are worth more. It may be best to let them go. Have you been told this?
It's like a pendulum. We tolerated way too much and then we needed to learn to set boundaries and let go and speak up. I have written about all these things. And these are very important things.
What we are in need of is balance. Yes, to letting go and yes, to letting a new friend in.
There is a German therapist by the name of Stephanie Stahl, who says that connection is one of the main human needs. I'm sure many others will agree. In tribal times, you were punished by being excluded. Some sects do the same. You are expelled for doing something wrong. I know of one young man who was publicly laughed at at a young age and was scolded for something he had said. It stayed with him for a long time; not speaking his truth until, in his 30's, he build a whole business in public speaking and giving others a voice!
It stays with you. It hurts. It's a cruel punishment.
I also heard that over 60% of young people feel lonely. I wonder how many women my age feel the same because kids are out of the house and marriage might not be what it was. Career may not be satisfying.
Have you thought about your need to feel connected? When do you feel connected? Do you have a circle of family and friends that fulfills that need? If not, what can you do?
For starters, there are new comer's groups if you recently moved somewhere. There are meet-up groups where you simply type in your interest and find a group locally. For example, if you like hiking, art, dancing. etc., you will find a group that meets your criteria. I even saw a German speaking meet-up group that a friend told me about. There are ways to connect. If you have a business, there are networking groups, and often those connections lead to friendships.
I would love to brainstorm with you to help you find ways to get that basic human need met. It is a basic human need. Not a want. Not a "would be nice if..." It's a need. So don't be shy in looking for ways to get connected.
If you are not one to go out and physically meet with other humans, then there are plenty of online groups you can join. You can stay in the background or make your voice heard by being a part of their virtual conversations.
We need each other. Everyone has some traits that irk someone else. Everyone has to learn to deal with that. We are not talking toxic relationships, just human behavior we all have that irks others. That's just the way it is. It's part of the human package. Don’t let that deter you from connecting.
And no, you are not being needy. You are about to fulfill one of your basic human needs.
This weeks affirmation:
I am open and ready for new connections.
Isabelle
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